America's divorce rate is over 50%. Hey, it happens to the best of us.
It usually seems to go like this:
Two people find each other and get together. Often the relationship is not godly. In fact its sinful. So two sinners come together and end up getting married.
That's how it was for Victoria and I.
We lived together a few years. Had a baby. Bought a house. Raised him for a few years. Then finally got married.
Now when two sinful people form a relationship built on premarital sex and the LAST conversation is about how to pass the other off to their church so the priest or pastor will marry you, you should know that increases your odds for trouble right?
They say if you live together before you are married, that hurts your chance by another 10%.
I don't remember all the stats but by time Victoria and I were standing at the altar, the statistics gave us a less than 10% chance of making it!
WOW! That scared us! But we also didn't care because we were determined to make it.
I said on facebook I have noticed some common denominators to a relationship crashing and burning.
It seems to go like this...
Young couple falls in love and gets married. At this point the two who were once single and pretty self-absorbed are now in love with another and have decided to take care of that person for life. They are now self-absorbed together as one.
They are enjoying the love and bliss of their young love.
Then one day you realize you are going to be a FAMILY! Enter babies!!!!!
This is a dramatic event in a marriage. Now you go from a married couple to a family! The birth of a child is supposed to be the transformation of the parents. The parents realize life is no longer about me. I am now RESPONSIBLE for this little life! Wow!
(Caution... you may be offended soon.... I calls'em like I sees'em though)
So Mom is nurturing this young baby and so in love with it! It's also a very tiring job! So Mom grabs sleep when she can!
Now Dad's enjoy this time but their real job is later with kids. Moms nurture and Dads discipline. So he is just helping when and where he can and loving on this baby right now.
After a bit though... things change. Tired parents may sometimes snap at each other. They may disagree a bit on how to care for the baby. Who's going to do the dishes? Did you get this or that? Why not? You know... that kind of stuff.
Now slowly the bedroom slows down if you catch my drift.
After all it's not single 20 somethings anymore.
Well ladies. I'm going to keep it real. That's a problem for most men. Our brains are wired differently. A man would tend to be more "With out no us first, there is no family." I think a Mom would tend to be "Our job is to care for these children. We must put ourselves in second place now."
Mom's are so incredibly self-sacrificing! They give so much of themselves to everyone else! They are worn down to a nub!
So men shouldn't be surprised to hear a "Not tonight honey... I'm beat!"
So we have a man who is still in I love myself mode and a woman who is in full-blown Mommy mode.
Now what's coming next may sound childish, but it is what it is.....
You see that man loves YOU ladies! He wants his special time with YOU back!
Men in America today are just big toddlers with 70 ounce sippy cups and their team jersey is their onesie. Momma momma.... I want my momma! (Ladies, you ever feel like your husbands Mother?)
He begins to get fussy and throw temper tantrums.
Sex is his pacifier. He gets resentful when you wont give him his pacifier.
Ladies... This often goes unnoticed as a little thing because your are not paying attention to those things. It's not YOUR focus anymore.
But here dangerous seeds are planted in your garden. Here the seed of anger, resentment and frustration begin to germinate.
If left alone they will soon be a wild tangle of sin and will destroy your home.
You see as this sin and lust builds in a man, he becomes like a lion. As the hunger grows the lion begins to look at prey. Soon he follows prey. Before long... the hungry lion will go catch and lie with his prey!
To make matters worse.... There are women out there stalking HIM!
I call them sharks.
They have babies of their own. They are looking for a man to help provide for their needs. From money to love to help around the house. A man is a valuable thing. (Not that you would ever let us know that! LOL)
Sharks stalking your man. Your man a hungry lion stalking easy prey.
And you are changing a poopy diaper while all of this happens.
Skip the ugly details of how it all goes down hill and....
Next thing you know.... it's over.
Now whose fault is it?
She says "His! The idiot couldn't be a real man and keep it at home!"
He says "Hers.. If she never neglected our relationship we would still be perfectly happy."
I think the real problem is this: All sin is selfishness.
I think the COUPLE does come before the kids. The relationship has to be kept strong before the parents can raise the kids.
CONCLUSION #1: Always put your relationship first. That means serving each other out of LOVE and self-sacrifice on both sides. Committing to set aside alone time just for the two of you. Like date nights.
CONCLUSION #2: If you want to understand what real love is, you have to understand and know God and what Christ Jesus did for you. This is the greatest act of love. The giving of His life for you His enemy. If He would give His life for you His enemy, what act of loving sacrifice can you deny your spouse?
If you marry an unbeliever, don't be surprised if he or she is not capable of living a godly life. DUH! Right? I mean CHRISTIANS can't even do it right... why would people who never have their heart and mind renewed be able to do it as God intended?
Like I said, I'm sure Victoria and I are FAR from perfect spouses.
You have to chase after Christ! You have to pray for your marriage. You have to BOTH be on board and committed to always making it work and doing your very best to do the right thing for each other and the family as a whole.
Finally I think you have to be reading your Bible daily. Yep... daily! The human heart is desperately sinful. It fills the mind with wrong motives. You must overwhelm these seeds of sin with the heart and mind of God as expressed in the Bible.
God's word is weed and feed for your garden. It will help kill the bad seeds and fertilize the good seeds.
Like the old billboard says "Know God, Know Peace.... No God, No Peace"
LORD HELP US! I pray for our marriages. I pray for broken marriages. I pray for the MEN of America! LORD please help us to be men and not overgrown toddlers!!!!!
(Please comment below.... I want us to share a conversation on how we can make our marriages stronger. When they do fail, it's sad, but it's going to be OK... You do your best to forgive and seek the Lord and pray for the other person and figure out what you can do better next time)
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