A Letter To Me

I have a new favorite song (secularly speaking)...It's Brad Paisley's "Letter To Me" In the song he is writing a letter to the boyhood version of himself. If it were possible to write a letter and send it back through time to yourself, what would you say to yourself? How would you convince yourself the letter was really from you? What would you tell yourself about life and faith? Just a fun thing to think about. Maybe you could even actually write it down on paper as if you were really going to send it to yourself. It would be fun to pull it out in another 10 years and see if anything has changed.

I look back on myself as a kid almost like a father looking at his son. Who I am today is so different from who I was then. I think who I am today was in part there, just buried deep inside me. I guess that is what life is all about taking you from a rough state and molding you into the person God meant you to become. I just think I had so much potential in myself that I did not see. People always said "Jason is not working to his potential" I think that was on every report card! I just know myself so much better now that I think I could really offer myself some good advice. There were some things I really needed to know, (again just secularly speaking). I definitely would have guarded what I let into my mind. Now at 33 I can still remember things I shouldn't have seen when I was.....well too young to see it. Movies, magazines everything.....it's amazing what the brain will hold on to.

Also, I would really advise myself to watch who I choose as friends. I had some really good friends but late in high school I made some bad choices that could have had some really terrible consequences. Thank God He saved me from the trouble I could have gotten in. I will spare you the details. I thought everything in life was SOOO important, I could not see past the present, so I lived for the moment and neglected the things I should have been doing for my future. Oh, yes get this one....I would encourage myself to be disciplined. I heard it all the time and I remember Dad would make me look up "discipline" and "responsibility" in the dictionary. I don't know how I could have changed this but I SOOOO wish I was one of those people with strong self-discipline. Oh yes, laziness. I am a very hard worker, but I have a super strong lazy streak in me....I hate that about myself!

I can think of people I should have spent more time with. I wish I would have been a book worm and not a social butterfly. I would also remind myself of the things I loved so much that I would never get to do again in life.....enjoy them, drink it in and store up the memories!

Finally I would have a good talk with myself about my parents. I think the biggest shock to me after a certain age was when I realized they are not perfect. Being a father I know now how hard it is. You want to be the ideal parent, but we are just regular people with flaws that keep us from being perfect. All parents are are kids who have grown up, still trying to cope with and figure out life while now having kids of their own. I am just a person. I don't have perfect control over my anger.... sometimes I get upset and do not deal with a situation like I wish I would. It's funny now to look back and see how good my parents were! They really did a good job. A home filled with 5 young kids and we all made it through school with no real troubles or problems. We turned into 5 great adults and that is directly a result of their guidance. Mom was (and is) our love. Our gentle hearts and easy going personalities we owe to her. I still remember times when I was three with her.... Memories of times when her tender and sensitive heart was hurt.... I didn't understand it, but I do remember it. I also see it reflected in our lives. Now Dad and I had a very rough relationship at times...mostly as I became a rebellious teenager.. BUT I am SOO thankful for him. In fact I needed more of him. I am so sorry for the trouble I caused him (I caused a lot of trouble...I could be a real "destructo" sometimes.) He taught me that discipline and responsibility and strong willed leadership that is so useful to me today. The things he taught me I couldn't list here...too much. I remember him saying often "You may hate me now, but you will respect me later." So right. I do think I could have used more of his strong medicine though. Now he also has some character flaws that make him a very difficult person to understand and live with, but that may be one of the things I appreciate the most. Every day....literally every day I interact with some people in life who just seem so strong willed and impossible to get along with. BUT I have seen the mountain top. I know difficult, and you sir are not difficult. I learned so many communication skills in learning how to get along with and how to please him, it's invaluable to me today.

Anyway, somehow this has changed from the topic of writing a letter to yourself. My mind has wondered as I let my thoughts drift back to my childhood..... That's why my grade card always said "Jason does not work up to his potential" because my mind wanders too much. I would tell myself that...."Jason, you are a dreamer and that is OK! You think differently and learn differently....that's OK! Here's how your mind works and here's how I have found out I learn best...." Oh man how I could have used that advice! Back to the weird split personality thing about viewing yourself as a parent views their own child.....

You have high expectations for yourself. That's ok.... You also fail and mess up and are a flawed human being. Do you understand that about yourself? Please then, be more patient with yourself and quit punishing yourself for mistakes you have made in the past. The punishment at the time was enough. Let it go. Also as a "parent" of yourself it is your responsibility to be teaching and leading yourself to become the person you want to become. When was the last time you have thought about that? Encourage and love yourself. Seek truth and then teach yourself to follow and obey it. Teach yourself to not be lazy and discipline yourself.

You are just that same kid who grew up. You may not have the close guidance of your parents anymore. So you must now be your own "parent".... Feed your mind, discipline and guide your life.

NOW...Don't forget Christ is the center of all things....so you must read and study your Bible. Life's guidebook will teach you and guide you. Most importantly remember you have a Father in heaven who loves you SOOO much more than any human parent could ever dream of loving you. A perfect parent who has adopted you by faith in His death for your failures and sins. Cleansed and purified in His eyes, His unconditional love will never see you as anything less than perfect as His natural Son is perfect. Yes, confess (admit) your sins to Him, but they do not need to be "paid" for because Christ Jesus has already paid the full price of every one! So take it easy on yourself and move forward striving to do better and be better and be more like Him because He is good and He loves us SO much....who wouldn't run to a Father like that? Knowing my GREAT sins and MANY sins that He would be perfectly right to give me hell....I know I deserve it....I can not even keep the first and most important commandment....yet, He has loved me, paid my debt and called me His beloved son! Amazing love, how can it be?