I have only had a few family members die to date. Closest being Grandma Kemp, my best friends dad, Johnny was a hard death for me. Of course toughest of all has been baby Emma. Still because I am somewhat removed from these events, I have never experienced a death very directly. I have both parents and brothers and sisters....all my children, my wife. (Thank the Lord!) I know it's something I must prepare myself for, but I am not sure if I can even emotionally comprehend such an event enough to prepare for it. I know we must prepare for it, but can a person really even do much more than imagine the day and try to imagine how you will deal with it? I doubt it will be anything like I imagine.
Sometimes I worry if I am too obsessed with death. I think about it often. I want to help people in the process. I have often entertained the thought of working for a funeral home because I want to be able to comfort people and offer some eternal answers. I also know I am pretty direct about things and I am not sure I would be a help, but would probably get punched in the mouth several times a week. Tact, I'm working on it... Since I have never been around dead bodies, I don't know if I could handle it or not. Anyway, I don't know if thinking of death often is a bad thing.
A friend told me about a program on PBS about a funeral home. It's a documentary of the funeral directors thoughts and job activities and several families are followed through the death process including a little boy who was born with a bad heart and brain. Obviously this hit home with me. I think because you are following the family so closely through the process it really helps me understand it a little better. I think I just want to understand the whole event our family has gone through better. I want to be able to understand what Adam and Mindy are going through so I will know better what to say, what not to say....I don't know. I just have NO words at all for them or anyone else on the matter. Before I forget, if you want to watch the documentary online click HERE.
So anyway, have you ever planned your own funeral in your mind? Where will it be, what will they sing.... I am a control freak, so I have already recorded my own message to be played at my funeral. A couple years ago I thought, "Who will say these things I care about to the people I love the most, with the passion I have for them and the subject?" So I took some time to get away by myself, thought about it, much like that little boy laying in the wheat field, I "imagined" my funeral. It's weird, I know, but really it's what we're born for. Especially as a Christian, it's a great event I look forward to. Like a little girl plans her wedding for years, I plan for the day I will meet my Savior face to face. I think it's good to do because if you think about what kind of person you want to be on the day you die, you can be working now to become that person. How will you meet the Lord, what will people say about you. When it's all over what did your life stand for?
By the way in case you go before me, here's a poem I wrote for you....
Funeral
I'm so glad you made it, I'm so glad you came
Some of you look different
Most of you the same
I'm sorry I couldn't be here To share this time with you
I leave behind my body cause mine's now glorified and new
Today I'm getting settled into my new home
A great mansion with a view
Of God Almighty's throne
Yesterday I met Mathew,Mark, Luke and John
First I saw Jesus then Peter and our Lords mom
By the way have you met Him My personal Savior and Lord?
He's God and Man a Spotless Lamb
He is the door
There's no other way
and He's brought you today
So I can tell you once more
The Great I Am became man
and paid the wage of sin
Believe it with all your heart,
be a disciple, follow Him
Today consider yourself dead,
give your life to Him
and I'll see you soon if you believe
Make Jesus your Lord and friend
Jason Steven Younger
I think a person writes about what is on their mind the most... For me life and death is a big topic....
God's Dime
When I think about dying, it makes me want to cry
Because I so love this life that's quickly rushing by
Even though I know eternal life is waiting up ahead
I can't imagine my body lying empty, cold and dead
I love the sun and wind lapping on my face
I love the sound of family dancing in my space
But when it is my time, I'll be fine
Because I realize I'm living on God's Dime
Jason Steven Younger
I think this next one was written shortly after Grandma Kemp passed away...Life Cycle
Life is like the daily cycle of the sun
At dawn all is pink, new and peaceful
As it matures, it grows brighter
Until it's brilliance peaks
Halfway through the day
It holds it's bright, brilliant glow
Until late in the day
When all becomes golden
And casts a magical glow
On all around it
Then, it slowly fades away...
Even after it's gone, it's light remains
Eventually darkness falls
It has passed to the other side
I remember it's warmth
If I close my eyes
I can remember how it felt
When it touched my face
I can't wait to see the sun again!
Jason Steven Younger
I refuse to call myself a poet, because I don't know a single thing about poetry! I do enjoy to write though. I really wrote this stuff never intending to share it, but more for myself just getting my thoughts on paper. Pretty much everything I write, even the Letters in Grace, I am just talking to myself trying to teach myself or encourage myself... This is my inspirational poem to myself....The Invisible Race
Running full speed at an invisible wall
My spirit will break thru, though my body will fall
Faster, Stronger, Bolder!
To the finish line!
Running with Christ's heart in this body of mine
Jason Steven Younger
Here is my struggle.... I know God is completely sovereign over the moment we pass on. All people are eternal beings, it's just WHERE that eternity is spent. The "faith" side of it I think I am ok with. What I fear is that I am not prepared to deal with it. Honestly I think I would be ok if I lost a child. As hard as that is to even say, I think my total trust in the Lord would make it hard for me to be angry, doubt or question Him. I think I would just go crazy being without my child though. If something happened to my wife it would be even worse! I don't know how I could ever deal with that. At the same time, it WILL happen. If you think it won't you are lying to yourself and you know it. We were just talking about it yesterday. We have to prepare ourselves. I may go first, Victoria may go first, the kids may go first.... Where is your peace? Who will give you comfort... Knowing God will bring such an unshakable peace! (I say that as one who has never had that faith tested)
Anyway... I think spending some good time thinking of these things and consider your end and work backwards to today will help you prepare for that day you stand before the Lord as either Savior or Judge.
In the mean time, Father, I pray that I do not soon have to lay a loved one in the ground. I pray that when that day does come, I can do it with joy knowing that they are in Your presence. Let us not be deceived, many will not go to heaven. Many who think they will be with You simply because they have tried to be good, will be shocked with the horrors of chains of darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth to await eternal fire. May this topic move us to grab a Bible and read it all to know the true God that we will face at death. May we see the urgent need for Christ's death in our place.
Finally Lord I can not fail to say that while this is a hard topic to consider, I also know that I will not die. I must only fear the short journey through the shadow of death. I pray it is quick and as painless as possible. Give each of us the grace and mercy to endure this event we will all see.
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